Ask ten couples when their anniversary is and you will get several kinds of answer. Some count from the day they met, some from their first date, others from a first kiss or the night they agreed to be a couple. For long-distance couples who met online, there may be a first message, a first call and a first meeting in person months later. There is no official rule, but there are good ways to choose. This guide walks through the options, what most couples pick and how to agree on a date you will both enjoy celebrating.
The common anniversary dates
Each option has a different feel. Here is how couples tend to think about them.
| Date | Why couples choose it | Watch out for |
|---|---|---|
| The day you met | The true beginning of the story | You may not remember the exact date |
| First date | Clear, intentional and easy to recall | Hard to define if you started as friends |
| First kiss | Romantic and memorable | May be the same as the first date, or vague |
| Becoming official | Marks commitment; popular with dating couples | Some couples never had a single ‘official’ talk |
| First meeting in person | Meaningful for couples who met online | Can come long after you felt like a couple |
| Engagement or wedding | The standard for married couples | Replaces earlier dates for some couples, not all |
What most couples choose
Among dating couples, the two most common anniversaries are the first date and the day they became official. The first date is easy to pinpoint and feels like the start of the romance. The ‘official’ date carries more weight, because it marks the moment you both chose the relationship.
Once married, most couples celebrate the wedding date, and traditional anniversary gift themes such as paper for the first year follow it. Many still mark their dating anniversary quietly, with a meal or a message, because it was the start of everything.
If you met online or live apart
Long-distance and online couples often have more candidate dates than anyone else: the first match or message, the first video call, the day you said you were exclusive, and the first time you met in person. Some couples use the first message date as their anniversary and treat the first in-person meeting as a separate, second celebration.
If the first meeting happened a long time after you started talking, it can be one of the most emotional days to celebrate. Many long-distance couples mark it every year with a call at the same time they landed or met at the station.
How to agree on your anniversary
Talk about it on an ordinary day, not on the anniversary itself. Each say which date feels most meaningful and why; you may learn something sweet about what your partner remembers. If you disagree, there are simple solutions.
You can celebrate one main date and mark the other with something small. You can let the person who cares more pick this year and swap next year. Or you can choose a combined approach: celebrate the yearly anniversary on the official date and celebrate day counts, such as 100 and 1,000 days, from the first date.
- Compare what each of you remembers first.
- Write the chosen date somewhere you both see it.
- It is fine to celebrate two dates in different ways.
If you do not know the exact date
It happens more often than people admit. Search your messages and photos from around that time; a first photo together or a message such as ‘I had a great time tonight’ usually pins it down. If you still cannot find it, choose a date together that feels right and call it yours. A chosen anniversary is just as real as a recorded one.
Once you have your date
Use it to find your milestones. Our anniversary calculator shows how long you have been together and when your next anniversary falls, and the milestone dates tool lists your day counts, so you can plan the 100th, 500th and 1,000th days in advance. Then pick a way to celebrate: a recreated first date, a letter, an anniversary card or, if you are apart, a dinner on a call.
Q & A
A few questions you might have
When do you count your anniversary from?
There is no official rule. Dating couples most often count from their first date or the day they became official; married couples usually use their wedding date. Choose the date that feels most meaningful to both of you.
Is your anniversary the day you met or the day you started dating?
Either can be your anniversary. Many couples celebrate the day they started dating or became official, and some also mark the day they met as a separate occasion.
Do married couples still celebrate their dating anniversary?
Some do. The wedding date becomes the main anniversary, but many couples still mark their dating anniversary with something small, such as a dinner or a message.
What if we disagree about our anniversary date?
Celebrate one main date and mark the other in a smaller way, take turns choosing, or use one date for yearly anniversaries and another for day counts such as 100 days.
Found an idea for the two of you?
Send it to your person and choose something to try together.
